As times ticks on at an alarming rate, I find myself approaching my 24th week of pregnancy. In a hectic household with two energetic boys, finding time to think about, not to mention plan for baby number 3 is proving somewhat difficult. When I miraculously catch a minute in the evenings I sometimes visualise myself in a year with a third tiny human in tow and how that will look. For a few weeks now I have a more vivid and accurate picture in my head, as just like previous pregnancies, we made the decision to find out our third baby’s gender at our 20 week scan. I never gave this a second thought to be honest as that is what we have always done.
Funnily enough, people’s reactions to us finding out the baby’s gender third time around has also been similar. The last few weeks have got me thinking about our personal experiences of pregnancy and the timing of finding out the gender of little ones. As a ‘like to know soon rather than later’ kind of gal, I thought I would share my personal experiences and why that has always been the right choice for me.
Finding out Baby’s Gender Sooner Rather than Later: The Right Choice for Me
Planning. Hands up, I will admit it. I am a planner. I like to plan my plans, usually in a planner, in a set aside time allocated to planning. That is who I am, I am not ashamed. There are many things in life you can’t really plan, like how long it will take to get pregnant. You can’t really plan how great a parent you will be. It’s difficult to plan how you will feel when your baby arrives. All of this aside, I felt that by knowing the gender of this tiny person growing inside me, it helped me to prepare and plan for little things. Personally, this helped me feel more calm and ready for the intensely emotional journey I was on.
Ruining the Surprise. I was never concerned about ‘Ruining the Surprise’. It’s one of the things people might and most probably will say to you. I can assure you ladies and gentlemen, the fact that a tiny being of significant size manages to pass through it’s mothers vagina is a surprise in itself. Nothing to do with a baby can be ‘ruined’. Everything about meeting your baby for the first time is a surprise, irrespective of gender. How they look, how they sound and how much love you feel for them will surprise you beyond belief.
Bonding. I can’t explain it, but knowing a little bit more about my babies during pregnancy helped me to bond with them. Before becoming a mother for the first time, I was never the gushing over a baby type. So when I became pregnant, I felt knowing that Luke was a boy and visualising and dreaming about what he would be like, helped me to bond with him and the concept of becoming a mother. Pregnancy and entering into parenthood is a completely personal experience, and what’s right for others is not always the right fit for you. The great thing is, that’s perfectly grand.
Disappointment or Elation?
I vividly remember when the sonographer told us Luke was a boy, my husband did an air punch with elation. I remember finding this hilarious and wondering was he going to go ‘awww’ if it was a girl. My reaction was one of excitement as it would have been either way. I immediately started plotting the two names for boys I had in my head (there’s planner Emma again). When we found out the gender of our second son, my husband asked me was I okay. Was I a bit disappointed? In all honesty I wasn’t, but it took me a few minutes to visualise Luke with a little brother in tow and what that looked like. I felt more shocked second time round but equally excited and relieved that everything else was well. That feeling of relief has always outweighed the importance of gender.
Putting Others Reactions to Your Choice Aside
Revealing the baby’s gender when pregnant can leave you dealing with a mixed bag of reactions. Obviously for the most part, people get on board and share in your excitement and enthusiasm. That said you’ll always meet those whose words, though well meaning, leave you a little taken aback. Reactions can be tainted with a hint of ‘aw would you not have waited’ and a smidge of ‘ah you’ve ruined the surprise’. In all honesty, this decision is the first of many, that people will randomly feel obliged to comment on. When your little one arrives into the world, prepare yourself for everyone down to the cashier in Aldi giving you advice on how to be a parent!
The Burning Question
So here we are, third time lucky and beyond excited to be welcoming another wonderful baby boy in October! Agreed that this will be our third and last addition, I am excited to be a mother of boys, tamer of dragons and to be eternally outnumbered by boys. Am I already getting the ‘ah sure you’ll have to keep going for the girl’ remarks – of course. But my children’s gender is secondary to who they are as people, and irrespective of being a mother to boys or girls the adventure is what you make it!
For more honest accounts of my motherhood journey to date click here.